Difficulty

Easy

Steps

11

Time Required

                          2 - 4 hours

Sections

1

  • Beans
  • 11 steps

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Introduction

Ingredients:

  • One pound of beansOne pound of baconOne yellow onionTwo bell peppersTwo jalapenosSalt or bouillonPepperGarlic powderCuminOreganoOne can of beer (optional)Some dried chili peppers (optional)

All ingredients are optional except beans, salt, pepper, garlic powder, cumin, and oregano.

All images were created with Stable Diffusion. Viewer discretion is advised.

Step 1

              Check your calendar
  • Make sure you can avoid long periods of time in enclosed spaces with other people for the next 24 hours.

Make sure you can avoid long periods of time in enclosed spaces with other people for the next 24 hours.

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Step 2

              Soak the beans
  • Some say this isn’t necessary. It isn’t. It’s entirely optional. I don’t know why I do it. It just makes them cook a bit faster.
  • Put a pound of your favorite beans into a pot with water and let them soak overnight.
  • Don’t ever use canned beans. They are more expensive, worse for the environment, and taste like metal.

Some say this isn’t necessary. It isn’t. It’s entirely optional. I don’t know why I do it. It just makes them cook a bit faster.

Put a pound of your favorite beans into a pot with water and let them soak overnight.

Don’t ever use canned beans. They are more expensive, worse for the environment, and taste like metal.

Step 3

              Prep
  • Chop:
  • One yellow onion
  • A couple bell peppers
  • A couple Jalapenos
  • A pound of bacon

Chop:

One yellow onion

A couple bell peppers

A couple Jalapenos

A pound of bacon

Step 4

              Cook the bacon
  • Get the pot you will be cooking the beans in.
  • Cook some bacon in the pot.
  • Do not cook it past chewy. You don’t want crispy bacon here.
  • Pour out the some of the grease if you are more concerned about saturated fats than flavor.

Get the pot you will be cooking the beans in.

Cook some bacon in the pot.

Do not cook it past chewy. You don’t want crispy bacon here.

Pour out the some of the grease if you are more concerned about saturated fats than flavor.

Step 5

              Soften the vegetables
  • Add the vegetables you chopped into the pot and cook until softened, stirring once every two minutes.
  • Appreciate how incredible your old gross apartment is going to smell for a while.

Add the vegetables you chopped into the pot and cook until softened, stirring once every two minutes.

Appreciate how incredible your old gross apartment is going to smell for a while.

Step 6

              Add the beans
  • Discard the water you soaked the beans in.
  • Or don’t, if you’re into that sort of thing.
  • Pour the beans into the pot.
  • Add water until the beans are submerged about two inches.
  • Don’t add too much water. You can always add more, but you can’t remove any—like cutting a 2x4.

Discard the water you soaked the beans in.

Or don’t, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Pour the beans into the pot.

Add water until the beans are submerged about two inches.

Don’t add too much water. You can always add more, but you can’t remove any—like cutting a 2x4.

Step 7

              Season the beans
  • Add whatever spices you like to the beans and stir!
  • Mandatory:
  • Salt (or your favorite bouillon)
  • Pepper
  • Garlic powder
  • Cumin
  • Oregano
  • Recommended: coriander, paprika, chili powder, bay leaf.

Add whatever spices you like to the beans and stir!

Mandatory:

Salt (or your favorite bouillon)

Pepper

Garlic powder

Cumin

Oregano

Recommended: coriander, paprika, chili powder, bay leaf.

Step 8

              Bean secrets
  • Get two cans of light beer.
  • Pour one can into the beans (trust me).
  • Drink the other can as a reward to yourself for cooking beans.

Get two cans of light beer.

Pour one can into the beans (trust me).

Drink the other can as a reward to yourself for cooking beans.

Step 9

              More bean secrets
  • Do this if you want to add major flavor to your beans:
  • Throw some dried chili peppers into a separate pot of boiling water.
  • Anaheim, ancho, pasilla, mulato, guajillo, chipotle, àrbol—pick your poison.
  • Turn the heat to simmer and steep the chilis for 15 mins.
  • Pour the chilis and water into a blender and blend until liquified.
  • Add to the beans.

Do this if you want to add major flavor to your beans:

Throw some dried chili peppers into a separate pot of boiling water.

Anaheim, ancho, pasilla, mulato, guajillo, chipotle, àrbol—pick your poison.

Turn the heat to simmer and steep the chilis for 15 mins.

Pour the chilis and water into a blender and blend until liquified.

Add to the beans.

Step 10

              Simmer the beans
  • Simmer the beans and stir occasionally until they are done, at least a few hours.
  • Test for doneness by eating a bean.
  • Anticipate that the beans will firm up a bit once they’ve cooled.

Simmer the beans and stir occasionally until they are done, at least a few hours.

Test for doneness by eating a bean.

Anticipate that the beans will firm up a bit once they’ve cooled.

Step 11

              Go to town
  • Enjoy the fruits of your labor and invest all of the money you saved into a low cost, diversified index fund in a tax-advantaged retirement account.

Enjoy the fruits of your labor and invest all of the money you saved into a low cost, diversified index fund in a tax-advantaged retirement account.

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Author

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                    Sam Omiotek

Member since: 02/25/2019

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